You know what really grinds my gizzard? Diet beverages. Look, the idea of making a refreshing, low calorie beverage is noble, but is it possible to make these drinks any more repugnant? I mean, I've had cough medicine that tastes better. And what's worse is that abominable aftertaste. You know what I mean, that acrid, bitter taste that lingers for hours and hours, no matter what you might wash your mouth with later. Oh, the bile rises up my throat just thinking about that assault on my taste buds. How could soft drink companies approve these things? Do the executives in charge even taste their own products?

Now, you might be saying, calm down, you always have a choice to drink regular soda. Oh, but not when your conscience thunders and the diet beverage drinking fanatics grimace in your direction, mocking you silently for filling your body with calories just because you wanted a beverage that does not induce instantaneous nausea.

Is true beverage satisfaction but a holy grail? Please, beverage companies, heed our cries for a low calorie beverage that doesn't taste like possum spit.