Yes you, you chav cow. Four kids hanging off a pushchair and you can't control any of the whiney little feckers. We can even hear their whinging when you have your front door shut and we're walking past your house. FFS, give 'em a slap and tell them to shurrup!

Oh, and while you're at it, please remind them that the floor is not a dustbin. You leave a trail of sweet and crisp wrappers everywhere and it's hacking me off.

There is a reason why we cross the road when we see you, and it's because I can't stand any of you, not even to walk near.

Oh, and we know you lied about being in the bath when we came trick or treating. Next year you're going to get an egging and a half.